


How Thor Joined the Avengers

by lolcano



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Gen, don't take it too seriously haha, this is kind of stupid, thor adjusts to life on earth, thor buys coffee, thor gets a job, thor moves to australia
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-23
Updated: 2018-07-31
Packaged: 2019-06-14 19:53:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,362
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15396183
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lolcano/pseuds/lolcano
Summary: To:  steve.rogers@defense.govFrom: darryl.johnson@landmark-collaborative.comDear Captain America,I heard that the Avengers have gotten back together in order to fight Hydra and you know how much I love fighting.  So if you need any help at all please let me know because I am back on earth right now and I am not doing much.Yours truly,Thor OdinsonWhat happened to Thor after Thor the Dark World? How did he end up with the Avengers in Age of Ultron? Read to find out these very important questions we have all been wondering!





	1. Thor buys coffee

The careening corridors of this grey and drizzling world confounding him constantly at every turn. He no longer knew where he was or even where he had been; people and machines flowed around him following an invisible rhythm known only to themselves, flowing over him as if he were nothing but a rock in a stream and he felt alone amidst this great flowing crowd, the sole of his kind, an immortal in the stream of humans living and dying, a stranger in an unfamiliar world with no one to guide him. And yet he forged forward anyways, heedless of the dangers, of the unfamiliar twists of turns, of the fact that he was hopelessly lost, not ready to yield, not ready to surrender, but ready always to strive forwards to victory! For Jane! For Darcy! For Midgard! For this beautiful world, fragile and ephemeral as it was, a world nonetheless worth protecting!

And so it was with determination in his heart that he at last pushed open the door of his destination and proclaimed loudly once and for all the purpose of his quest: "I would have an Iced White Chocolate Mocha Grande with extra whipped cream prepared posthaste!"

The entire store fell silent.

Thor looked around the room for the first time and noticed a line of people patiently waiting in front of the counter, and noticed, moreover, that everyone was glaring at him.

"Oh uh.." he said, "Should I just...?" He pointed to the line and everyone nodded. "My apologies," he said. As soon as he got in line everyone seemed to breath a sigh of relief and returned to what they were doing. The two women sitting in the corner continued their conversation and in the corner of the darkly lit store came the gentle tick-tack of someone typing away on a keyboard.  Now that he was in his proper place, order was restored and everyone slipped back into their own existence and completely forgot about him.

Thor stood in line and when the woman in front of him inched forward, he inched forward too. This time he wouldn't plunge in recklessly. He had to take stock of his surroundings and prepare a battle plan. He watched as the people one by one went up to the counter and declared their orders, and when his time came he stepped forward confidently as well and rapped out his order as briskly as the woman before him had done: "Yeah I'd like an iced White Chocolate Mocha Grande with extra whipped cream?"

"Okay," said the barista, "That'll be 3.55."

"Right," he said with a flippant chuckle, "3.55."

He pretended to go through his jacket, all while watching the woman ordering at the cash register next to him out of the corner of his eye. He watched as she pulled out a strange flat piece of plastic and stuck it in a strange machine he had never seen before in his life. 

"That's uh...3.55 what exactly?" he asked. 

"Rupees," said the barista, "No, of course I mean pounds!"

"Right, pounds..." said Thor, turning the word around in his mouth, "Pounds pounds pounds..."

The barista stared at him long and hard. She stared at him so long and hard that she realized that there was something familiar about him. "Wait a minute. Aren't you......?"

"Yes!" said Thor, "Yes that's right I am -"

"Duude no way!" interupted the barista, "I  _looooved_ you in Red Dawn, it's like my favourite movie ever and - "

"- the mighty Thor." finished Thor, "firstborn to the throne of Asgard and protector of.. Wait, who did you think I was?"

"What?!" said the barista, "Thor?!  Haha, no way, you don't look anything like Thor."

'I assure you, I am indeed he!"

"As if," said the barista, "Why in the world would _Thor_ be buying coffee?"

Actually, Thor was starting to wonder the same thing.


	2. Thor gets a job

Well, it all started, as most things usually don't, with Ian Boothby.

"So it says here," said the interviewer, looking over his resume, "That you helped save the world from an invasion of evil dark elves?"

"Yes that's right," replied Ian, "I played a fairly integral part, I would say. In saving the world, I mean." He fidgeted nervously in his chair, dressed uncomfortably in a black suit and tie.

The interviewer nodded appreciatively. "Nice." And that's how Ian got a job.

A few days later, Thor returned to earth for good.

Jane could barely believe it. She kept expecting to wake up, to open the door one day and find that he had left, to open her eyes and realize that in fact he had never even been there in the first place. That's what had happened last time, after all. He wouldn't be here because he hadn't before - he had left her and hadn't even bothered to visit her, so how could it be true that he had given up his throne, his position, to come to earth to be with her?

It was ludicrous. It could only be a dream. But then she would walk into the kitchen and there was Thor, scrambling an egg for breakfast. And as they stayed up late talking and talking beneath the sparkling stars, gradually it dawned on her that this was reality. As they walked down the streets together taking in the scenery and talking and laughing, she would look at him and realize that he really was here. He was here. Maybe even for good.

It was real, which meant that those scrambled eggs he kept making and the chicken skewers he kept illegally grilling over a non-regulation fire pit, and the contents of her fridge he kept eating, would all have to be paid for.  Which meant she had to stop living in a daydream and get to work. Which meant that Thor would have to find something to do during the day. Which meant, if she was being quite honest with herself, that he ought to get a job, because there was no way she could support them both on her own salary, and what else was he going to do around here anyways?

So she pictured him wearing a tie and sitting in a cubicle typing away and laughed. She pictured Thor in front of a spreadsheet pointing at graphs. "Sales have decreased this quarter, leading to a loss of revenue and blah blah " and laughed even more. There was no way! Even so, she went ahead and broached the topic with him, thinking perhaps together they could find a job better suited to him.

"A job?" he scoffed at first, "What do I need job for?"

"Well, that's just... what people do on earth," Jane tried to explain, "It's how you make money."

Thor still didn't see what the big deal was. He had never had to worry about such a thing as a job before - he had taken for granted his place in the world and the role he would one day inherit. Nor had money ever been a concern for him - he always had everything given to him, and had never wanted for food and drink. Everyone was prosperous in Asgard. Or at least, as far as he knew. But he decided that despite his loose grasp on the topic he would give it a try, if only for Jane's sake.

Except that as it turned out, to get a job he first of all needed a piece of paper called a "resume".

"What do you mean, what's a resume?" said the girl at the career agency desk, "Do you think people just hire strangers of the street? First they need to see a resume, to prove that you're qualified."

"Hire me for a week and I'll _prove_ that I'm qualified!" boasted Thor. 

"That's not quite it," said the girl, "There's thousands of people applying to jobs. They don't have time to look at everyone."

"Why not?"

"It's just not feasible," said the girl.

However, she kindly agreed to book a resume workshop for him.

At the resume workshop he learned many things. He learned that apparently to get a good job you need a "university degree" and even that did not guarantee anything. While in the workshop he had struck up a conversation with the man next to him, an older gentlemen who had recently arrived in the country, just like him. "Back in my country," explained the man, "I have a master's degree. I was a doctor. But here - I am nobody. I have to begin again at the bottom."

If this man had a master's degree and still couldn't get a job, what chance did Thor have? He too was a stranger in this land. He returned to Jane's apartment feeling disheartened.

The next day, for lack of anything better to do he found himself sitting on the couch watching "Say Yes to the Dress" with Darcy. The bride's cousin convinced her to choose the dress with the deep waistline when clearly the first dress she had tried on suited her much better. Then the screen cut to commercials and he was assaulted with a series of sights and sounds and products he did not understand the need for. 

He sighed.

"I know," said Darcy, "I couldn't believe that dress either."

"That's not it," said Thor, "Why did I come back? Is this what I came back to do? Jane tells me I must get a job to help people, but I fear I do not have the right qualifications. 

"Oh, are you looking for a job?" asked Darcy, "Well, Ian quite a few days ago and I'm looking for a new intern to take his place. Interested?"

"I would be most grateful for the opportunity," said Thor.

"Great! You're hired."

They listened to the tv blare something about laundry detergent.

"....So, uh..." said Thor, "What does an intern do exactly?"

Darcy shrugged. 

"I dunno, you could like, get me a cup of coffee or something?"


	3. Your Friendly Neighbourhood Thor

So that was why Thor was at Starbucks trying to convince a disgruntled cashier to accept his Asgardian crowns.

"On Asgard," he emphasized, waving the coins in the air, "these are worth a gazillion dollars."

"Yeah," said the cashier, " _On Asgard!_  Just where do you think we are right now?"

The people in line waited impatiently as the two argued.

"Alright alright!" an old lady finally interrupted, "It's just a cup of coffee. I'll pay for it myself if I have to!"

Thor, in his gratitude, insisted on giving her all his Asgardian crowns, assuring her that it would be worth a fortune one day.

"It's really no big deal," she said.

"Your name will resound in the feasthalls of Valhalla!" promised Thor, and left triumphantly. At long last he had obtained Darcy's iced white chocolate mocha!  But as he walked out onto the street and looked out over its unfamiliar corridors he couldn't help but wonder..... _Where was Darcy anyways?!_

It seemed to him, as he looked around himself skeptically, that all the streets in this city looked exactly the same. Even when viewed from above it was nothing but a vast circuitous network that he could not make heads nor tails off. What was even more amazing was that although this city was nearly as big as Asgard, or perhaps bigger, it was only one out of thousands of human populations. Humanity never ceased to astound him.

He hazarded a chance and turned left at an intersection, but as he walked along further and further the more he began to think that he had made a mistake. Nothing about this area seemed familiar. In fact, it somehow seemed more ramshackle than before. He had thought that this was a prosperous city, but this area was full of tall rundown apartment blocks, and people who walked by him quickly without meeting his eyes.

Finally, as if confirming his suspicions, he heard a gunshot and a woman's scream.

Immediately he summoned his hammer, which flew through the air and ultimately landed on a young man's chest as Thor wrenched the gun from the other man's hand. He lifted up his hammer and put his foot on the downed man's chest, daring the others to even move. They did not.

"Are you alright?" he asked the woman as the others watched with dumbfounded amazement.

"Yeah," said the woman, who also seemed a little stunned. But she quickly gathered herself together and tossed her long red and black braids over her shoulder. "Yeah," she repeated as she hurriedly walked away from the men, her high heels clicking against the pavement, "Thanks bruv."

"It's nothing," said Thor modestly, "All in a day's work."

He followed her down the street. A few blocks away the girl crossed her arms and leaned against a nearby gate, still rattled from her close call. "The nerve of those guys...!" she said, "Like _I_ would steal from _him_! I tell you, Jamal's had it out for me ever since I slept with Trevor. But I was never hanging out with him for his looks, you know what I mean?"

"Oh?" said Thor, not really sure he knew what she meant.

"Hey Tanisha! You a'ight?" Some of her friends had heard the commotion and came running over.

"Yeh, I'm here innit?"

"Yo that was mad tight bruv. Who is this?"

"Dunno," shrugged Tanisha. She pulled a bag of something or the other out of her jacket. "Hey you want some? I nabbed it off Jamal earlier."

"I'm alright," said Thor. He didn't quite understand what was going on. Truly, the longer he was on earth, the stranger it revealed itself to be. But in any case, he needed to get back. "If you could point me in the direction of B* street south," he asked politely, "I would be very much grateful."

He listened carefully as they gave him detailed directions. A few wrong turns later, he arrived back at the apartment, only to find Darcy sipping on a cup of coffee.

"Yeah," she said, "You were taking too long so I just went myself. You know there's a Starbucks literally just across the street?"


End file.
